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 Post subject: Why men and women Cheat?
 Post Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 7:24 pm 
Why men and women Cheat?

Infidelity is one of the most wrenching experiences a couple can endure.

It can destroy families, crush spirits, and break quite a few plates. It causes pain not just to the betrayed, but usually to the cheater as well.

So why do people do it? Experts say that the reasons fall into two main categories.

The first has to do with the relationship -- there's either an emotional disconnect or the couple's sex life isn't satisfying to one partner.

The second reason has nothing to do with the couple. Rather, one partner simply wants the excitement of an affair, needs an ego boost, or just feels entitled to have more than one sexual partner.

How men and women differ

In general, men are more likely to cheat for more superficial reasons, like the need for excitement, while women are more likely to stray if there is serious trouble in the marriage. But those lines are blurring .

In the past, there were significant gender differences the traditional male affair that was primarily sexual is changing because more men are having more emotional affairs (meaning their feelings for the "other woman" go beyond just sexual) with coworkers.

Meanwhile, women are having more sexual affairs.

One reason: Women now feel more entitled to enjoy their sexuality, so if sex with their husband isn't satisfying they are more likely to look elsewhere than their mothers and grandmothers would have been.

Another trend: With more men and women working together side-by-side, as peers, there's an opportunity for deep emotional connections that didn't exist in previous generations.

You always had the boss who ran off with his secretary, but now I see many men who are in good marriages and are not traditional philanderers who form these deep friendships. They cross these lines and become more emotionally intimate than they are in their marriage.

There's some sexual attraction and Chemistry, that's all you need for an affair.

Although affairs can and do happen to "good" marriages, in general an affair is a signal that something is awry in the relationship.

There are some cases when someone is just having sex with different people out of a need for variety, but most people really think before they go off in that direction. If you have a good relationship, you're less likely to jeopardize it.

Flings vs. Long-Term Affairs

A one-night stand or a fling is significantly different from a long-term affair. Many flings are essentially experimental.

Someone finds something missing in their relationship and checks out what it's like to be with someone else.

It turns out to be not-so-great, and they end it. Surprisingly, if no one finds out, often no harm is done.

A long-time affair is a sign of a deeper rift -- it's more likely to be found out, and it's more likely to cause more damage to the relationship when it is found out."

To Confess or Not to Confess? Which brings us to another point: Should you confess? In general, it's best to be honest, but our experts agree that there are circumstances when a spouse can spare his or her partner that information.

If a spouse has been suspicious and confronts him/her, he/she should confess.

But if the spouse has no idea, and the betrayer takes responsibility for working it out on his/her own, he/she sometimes doesn't have to cause that kind of chaos.

But once a confession is made, absolute full disclosure is essential, and the cheater should own up to all affairs that have occurred during the relationship.

It will take time to rebuild the relationship but the guilty party should have the patience and the determination to do so and gradually the marriage will be able to work out its priorities.


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